I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
