I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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