Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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