my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
