The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
