We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
