I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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