It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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