Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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