Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
