YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
