She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
