Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
