so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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