tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
