Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
