He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just pee around me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
