Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
