their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
