true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
