Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
