So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
