so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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