i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
