How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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