p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
