Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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