remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think a kid would responsible me up
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
