i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
