I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
