:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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