never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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