You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
