Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
