He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
