Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
