There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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