Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
