I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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