I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
