Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
