Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't deserve a penis
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
