So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
