Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize