it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
