how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
