MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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