Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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