I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
