He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did I show you my penis last night?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
