Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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