So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
