Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
