You really coming over, don't trick.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
