i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
