I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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