the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
