The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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