Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
