Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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