Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
