just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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