I faked an abortion last night.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
