ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He shit in the fireplace
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize