Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
