I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
