As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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