I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize