my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
