I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
