I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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