I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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