if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize