We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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