Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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