yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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