I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
