Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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