we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
