Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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