you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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