It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
