I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
