Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
