My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
