So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
