If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
