I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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