I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
