i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
