Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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