Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
did i just pee glitter
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize