Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I puked a lego.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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