She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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