Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
