Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
