SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
