yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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