I'm going to jail i love you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
